Shortly after our recent very successful Myrtle Beach reunion, I was talking by phone to Randy. He said he was rather tired and stressed out from his effort to insure one of our best reunions. In the same conversation, he mentioned he had been laid up for three days with an injured foot. When I inquired as to the cause of this injury, he told me he had made a "misstep" while descending a bar stool at the Dead Dog Saloon in Murrells Inlet.
Soon after, our investigative arm was dispatched to the Dead Dog to ascertain the facts. From their inquiries two theories emerged. It was noted by witnesses that Randy was enjoying rum and Coke. Perhaps Randy had too much rum and too little Coke. This impaired Randy's usual athletic dexterity and caused him to dismount the stool in a careless manner.
However, a second theory evolved just as plausible. As we all know, as we age our bladders become more and more impatient, particularly when we comsume caffeinated drinks. Perhaps Randy's bladder signaled it was urgently time for a toilet trip before leakage began. This is just as likely, all things considered.
The information gathered by the investigation was referred to our association awards and medals committee. Without dissent, it was agreed that Randy's injury was related to association action because of the stress and strain Randy had during and after the reunion. Otherwise, they concluded, Randy would not have been heavy into rum and Coke.
Therefore, it has been decreed that Kentucky Colonel Randolf Jennings will receive the Carolina Military Academy Purple Heart medal. There will be a solemn, candlelight ceremony at our next reunion. Even the most jaded eyes are sure to become misty.
The ceremony will conclude with a bugle solo by our own Billy Lewis. In keeping with the nature of the wound, it was decided the song will be " I Have Friends in Low Places".